Riker’s monthly visits to the vet are hard for him. After each visit, his fear of car rides comes back for a few days, and his tolerance for the other dogs at home decreases. He is not a resilient pup and I have to be careful about his stress levels. For the last year, we have had a handling plan that works for him: I hold him for his injection in the waiting room of the vet’s office.
At the latest monthly visit I was told that Riker’s handling plan would be different today. I wouldn’t be holding him for his injection and they would take him in back without me. I said no, that they wouldn’t be taking him into the back. I would have medicated him for that option. After some back-and-forth, we all agreed that I would hold him for his injection in an exam room.
I declined the new handling plan because I know Riker is better if he is with me. I know that the less stress I cause him with these visits means less stress all around. I know that it is okay to advocate for my dog – I make my living teaching people how to advocate for their dogs!
BUT…
I felt ICKY. Really icky. I know my vet’s office is overworked, understaffed, and really does care about me and my dog. I didn’t want to make things difficult or make the staff uncomfortable. It is very hard to say no to people, chance conflict, possibly upset them, and to not be a ‘good person’ as society tells us to be.
For reactive dog owners, advocating for them can mean setting boundaries with vet staff, random strangers, friends, family, or even your spouse. Not everyone is going to agree or understand, yet our dogs still need us to stand up for them, to protect them.
Some tips for advocating with people in public:
No Is A Complete Sentence
- Say “No” kindly yet firmly and hold up your hand like a stop sign.
- Initially, do not offer any justification or explanation as this invites conversation and compromise.
- Once people stop, then you can explain your reasons if you want to. Or not.
You Do Not Owe Anyone An Explanation
- No one is entitled to demand a reason for why you said, ‘No.’
- No one is entitled to argue about whether they get to interact with your dog.
Use Body Language
Keep yourself positioned between yourself and the stranger, or just walk away. Did I mention that you don’t owe anyone an explanation?
Advocate For Yourself, To Yourself
We can practice all of this, and recognize that it is still hard and it is ok that it is hard. Sometimes things in life aren’t easy and we still do them. We deserve to have and maintain boundaries for ourselves as well as our dogs.
Riker has anxiety around handling – always has, always will. I have put a lot of time into his handling challenges and now I can easily trim his nails, I can brush him in little sessions, and he is pretty good! When we first brought him home, I’d medicate him, muzzle him, wrap him in a towel, and my husband would hold him while I trimmed his nails – they were so long! Now, I take my time and he stands for me to do them, no muzzle, no restraint, very little stress. He has come a very long way in trusting me.
I will continue to advocate for Riker and I will continue to help people learn to advocate for their dogs. It’ll probably always feel icky, but I would feel much worse if I didn’t advocate for him and I let him be handled in a way that will set him back. I also deserve to advocate for my boundaries and not allow myself to be handled in a way that will set me back. Both of us deserve it.
